Separation Anxiety

(Yes Kayden turned 3 months old.... no this is not a blog post with pictures of his 3 month birthday or his 3 month letter... i will get to that later! :))

I'm not sure if a 3 month old can have separation anxiety. I have always heard that it starts around 6 months, maybe 4 or 5 months for the advanced child, but I feel 3 months is a little early. Especially since Kayden doesn't show signs of being "advanced" just "on target" (if any of that even makes sense!)

If it's not separation anxiety, it's the early stages of it. When we leave a room and he is left alone.. let the screaming begin. It takes him a little while to realize that we are gone, but once he does he lets out the most awful scream and cry. I've just started noticing it recently while I am getting ready or cleaning. If he can't see me, then we have a problem.

And I'm not really sure whether it's separation anxiety or just the fear of being alone as he doesn't scream when other people are holding him or if we leave him. It's just when he can't see anyone and is left alone. (such as in a crib.... see where i'm going with this...)

The first night we put Kayden in his crib to sleep at night he did GREAT! I laid him down after he ate, he stared at his mobile for a little bit, and put himself right to sleep. He woke up at 3 and 6 to eat and both times he went right back to sleep.... but it couldn't have been that easy could it!?

Then the rest of the nights (we've been doing this for a week now) we have laid him down and instantly when we leave the room he screams BLOODY MURDER. Not just an oh i'll cry myself and wimper until I fall asleep... it's an all out "YOU ARE STABBING ME WITH A KNIFE AND I AM GOING TO DIE" scream. Seriously, if someone was to walk into my house they would probably run into the nursery thinking he was dying. It's miserable. We have tried going back in every 5 minutes to calm him down, letting him cry it out (doesn't work well when he starts off in a full out scream though), even rocking... as soon as you put him down the scream starts.

We started noticing last night that whenever someone would go back in there he would calm down, but as soon as you left it was "the scream" again. I thought that he was just having a hard time putting himself to sleep at night, hence the rocking but no. He can easily put himself to sleep. As soon as I pick him up from the crib, his eyes get heavy and he goes to sleep. I can lay him next to me in the bed and he will fall right to sleep. No singing, no rocking, no touching. Just laying next to me and magically he is asleep. Seeing this, I thought I just wasn't giving him enough time in his crib to try and fall asleep on his own. Trust me, after trying for an hour to get him to fall asleep on his own, I gave up. It's isn't worth it.

Then, all of a sudden I realized that he also starts crying when I am getting ready and I move out of his range of vision while he is in his bouncy seat. It doesn't go instantly into "the scream" but a whimper starts and then if he doesn't see me for a little while longer then he starts screaming. I tested the theory out today. Nick was in the shower and I was getting ready in the bathroom. When I went to spray the hair spray I closed the door like I always do so that the hairspray doesn't get in Kayden's eyes (he sits in the bouncy seat by the bathroom door). Seriously, as soon as I closed the door, he started crying.

So, my child has a problem with being alone. I've looked up a bunch of different stuff online and I have read where separation anxiety could start this young and you usually see it at first when they are going to sleep. BINGO. I guess we are going to try some different things and see what we can do. I really want him to sleep in his crib, even if he does wake up in the middle of the night to eat still. I HATE having him in the bed with me because I am terrified that something is going to happen. Co-sleeping is not for us!

Someone suggested putting something in his crib that smelled like me and also try a recording of nick singing some worship music or lullabies. We are also going to try a method where we do our normal bedtime routine, put the baby down and position ourselves where we can easily pat his stomach/ sooth him, but NOT picking him up. Everyone says that the first couple nights of doing this are rough but that it will eventually work. If it doesn't, we are going to attempt "controlled crying" at 6 months. They don't suggest doing this before 6 months as the child doesn't understand what is going on but you do everything normally and then when the child starts crying in a manner where you know he won't go back to sleep you go in the room quietly say mommy and daddy love you but it is time to go to sleep, and walk back out. I just really hope something works because right now, Kayden and I are not getting the sleep that both of us need!