Christmas!!

So, being December 31st I feel as if I should post about Christmas before the new year!

Like always Christmas was crazy around here. On Christmas Eve we had Christmas with one set of nick's grandparents and the rest of the extended family. If you remember my separation anxiety post a couple days ago, we saw it in full swing here. Kayden was asleep and I passed him to one of Nick's aunts while I ate. Well, he woke up while she was holding him and seemed to be fine. She turned him around and he was facing me on the couch but I don't think he actually saw me. He was just staring at one of Nick's younger cousins and then all of a sudden let out the LOUDEST scream I have EVER heard come out of the kid. There was no warning, it was just a sudden scream. I obviously jumped up since I have never heard that scream before and as soon as I got in his face to where he could see me he was fine. The beginning stages of separation anxiety... i think so. Then we went to Centerpoint Church with Nick's parents for their Christmas Eve service. It was a great service but a rough one since we were all missing little Avery. I, however, do not have any pictures of this because my camera battery was dead and when I charge it it only holds for about an hour so I am patiently waiting for my birthday to get a new camera battery :) I know his mom has a couple though so no worries, it was documented :)

Christmas Day we started at my parents house in the morning and opened gifts with Audrey. It was so much fun with her this year and I can't wait until next year when they will both be older! She enjoyed taking the paper off and playing with her presents. They were both spoiled with all the toys they got!




We then went over to Nick's parents house where we celebrated Christmas with his family and other set of grandparents. Yet again, I have no actual pictures of this but I know his mom does :) There we were yet again spoiled. Nick's mom bought everyone in the family a pair of TOMS. Even Avery and Kayden! I CAN NOT wait for Kayden's foot to be big enough to wear them. I think they should fit in the next couple months. Don't worry, the first time he wears them there will be pictures! Avery, yet again, was not with us so it wasn't the most joyful Christmas but we can not wait until we get to see him again and actually celebrate Christmas with him. I was reminded that Christmas does not have to be on December 25th, but we can celebrate it whenever the family is together. I can't wait for him to open his presents from us! I think he will love them. I can't wait for next year when Avery and Kayden will both be together for Christmas and both be old enough to really enjoy unwrapping presents!

Christmas night we went down to Paige and Jeremy's house where Audrey got to play with all her new toys and Paige made lamb. I don't think I have ever had lamb before, and she had never made lamb before but it was DELICIOUS! definitely a meal worth having again!! Audrey also had her "all i want for christmas is my auntie" shirt on so of course I have to include a picture of that :)


The day after Christmas we went to my grandmother's house and had Christmas with my mom's side of the family! This is always fun since there are so many people! Kayden did great! I was a little concerned since it was a lot of people that he doesn't see a whole lot but we didn't make the mistake that we did at Nick's grandfathers house so we didn't have any freak out sessions! :)



That night my dad's side of the family came over to my mom's house and we had Christmas with them.





Last but not least mommy and daddy had Christmas with Kayden. We had every intention on waking up Christmas morning and doing it before we went to my parents house, however Kayden slept for a long time that morning and before we knew it we needed to leave. We knew he wouldn't remember this Christmas so I wasn't upset about not getting to do it on Christmas morning.

We had a ton of left over babies r us gift cards from when Kayden was born so we decided we would go get him toys and wrap them up for Christmas. We got toys he could play with now and some for when he gets older since his birthday isn't until September.

Sleep Training Night One

So, I decided to try sleep training. Since putting Kayden on formula I thought we should try this since he has had a much more pleasant demeanor, goes a little longer between feedings, and is also 3.5 months old. Everything I read said that you can start sleep training at 3 months so why not.

Unfortunately, it didn't go so well. Kayden screamed, and screamed, and screamed. I can't handle the screaming. After reading other things, I decided to try the "no-cry" approach because I just can't do the "cry it out". With this method, I put him down after our bed time routine, drowsy but awake. I left the room where he was content for a couple minutes. And then the screaming started. I went back in there patted his stomach to try and calm him down. Well, patting my child on his stomach doesn't exactly calm him down.... it actually pisses him off even more. So I left again to regroup and attempt the "calm down but not pick up" routine again. Finally after 30 minutes I picked him up, burped him, and laid him back down. To where we started it all over again. Another 30 minutes pass, I picked him up tried to burp him and put him back down. After an hour and a half I caved, picked him up and he went right to sleep. I rocked him for a little bit and then laid him back down. He slept for 20 minutes where he then again woke up. I tried again for a little while and then gave up. He went into our room where he slept from 11-4.

I am going to try again tonight but start everything a little earlier, at 7:30 rather than 8:30 and see if that helps at all. If not, I'm postponing the sleep training until the weekend. Nick has to get up at 4 in the morning and keeping him up with a screaming baby trying to do sleep training is just not fair to him.

While trying to read other things this morning, I came across this quote from Dr. Sears website that really helped me.

"An important fact for you to remember is that your baby's sleep habits are more a reflection of your baby's temperament rather than your style of nighttime parenting. And keep in mind that other parents usually exaggerate how long their baby sleeps, as if this were a badge of good parenting, which it isn't. It's not your fault baby wakes up."

This really helped because I felt like I was a terrible parent because my child can't put himself to sleep or sleep for long periods of time. It's not for lack of trying. We have tried a lot of different things but nothing is working. We are working on it... he just hasn't gotten it yet.

Today is a sad day....

...because I think I am done breastfeeding. I have enjoyed breastfeeding and hoped to be able to do it up until Kayden was 6 months or so if not longer. However, I think 3 1/2 months is going to be our stopping point. Many people have told me that any breastfeeding I was able to do is great, but I still feel guilty about not doing it any longer. But it's not in my hands, as I really don't feel as if Kayden is getting full and eating as much as he should be from me.

It started about 2 weeks ago when he would just get really fussy in the afternoons or evening and just cry constantly. I know babies have a fussy time but this was just incessant screaming really and we could not do ANYTHING to calm him down. After an hour of screaming one night I just pulled out the formula and made him a 6 ounce bottle. I had just feed him an hour before that by breastfeeding, but Kayden guzzled the 6 ounce formula bottle and was content after that. I just thought maybe it was a growth spurt but that whole week he would continue having a crying spell and as soon as I would give him the bottle he would be fine. Through the screaming I had tried to feed him by breastfeeding but he would just pull away and continue screaming. He has continued doing this and we had just been giving him one formula bottle a day in the afternoons/evening because I had read that your milk supply can decrease at that time.

Then, a very stressful family situation happened (one that I currently can't discuss but let's just say VERY STRESSFUL) and I noticed that Kayden would pull away any time that I tried to feed him. I knew he had to be hungry so I gave him the bottle. Throughout the day he would breastfeed for a little bit but then an hour later he would be screaming again, and calm down if we gave him a bottle. I know that stress can cause your milk supply to decrease so I was hoping that we could just make it through and I would just try pumping and supplementing with formula. Unfortunately, I realized that this stressful situation would probably drag out for a while so I think it's just time to give it up. Everytime I have breastfed him recently he would eat, but then be starving an hour later. I really can't have a baby attached to me every hour to eat and I don't think it's a growth spurt, I think he just really isn't getting what he needs from me.

Today I feed him this morning (not knowing that it was going to probably be my last time breastfeeding so luckily I wasn't crazy emotional about it) and went to his physical therapy appointment. I feed him right before the appointment but half way into it he was hungry so I gave him formula. I kinda decided then that I was probably done. I thought I would try to pump every 4 hours or so just to see how long I could keep that up and just give him breastmilk from a bottle. I had a bunch of errands I needed to run today and was going to pump when I got home. I figured that by then my chest would be hurting and I would NEED to pump. The last time I breastfed Kayden was at 9:30 this morning. It is currently 6:30 in the evening and my chest does not even feel full. I guess that's a big enough sign to me that Kayden is not getting what he needs since I don't even seem to be producing that much milk. I also noticed this in the middle of the night. I have been giving Kayden a bottle of breastmilk before we went to bed and that has caused him to sleep a little longer at night. Some days I would wake up feeling full and some days I wouldn't. However, since the stress has added I haven't woken up full at all. Last night my mother in law feed Kayden a formula bottle at around 9:30 p.m. We went home and I ended up getting Kayden to sleep around 11:30 but I didn't feed him since he just had a formula bottle 2 hours ago. He slept until 6:30 the next morning, making it 9 hours just from his formula bottle. I breastfed him at 8:30 the night before (and he screamed an hour later from being hungry which is why my MIL gave him a formula bottle at 9:30). So I went from 8:30p.m. to 6:30 a.m. without breastfeeding or pumping. This morning, I didn't feel full at all.

I am sure that the stress that has been put upon me is a lot to blame for the reason that my milk supply has increased because I started noticing the "not full" feeling more this past week when things started happening. It bothers me that this situation has had such an impact on the milk supply and is causing me to have to stop breastfeeding, but it is what it is. He has seemed to be a much happier baby now that he is getting formula and getting really full so there is a positive to that.

I know you can't really tell the difference between a formula fed baby and a breastfed baby, and that people have been giving their children formula for years, but I really enjoyed breastfeeding. I enjoyed providing for my child in that way and I feel really guilty for giving it up.

Right after Kayden was born, I attempted to breastfeed and I was so happy that it went so easily for us. We didn't have many problems at all and I was so excited. I had told myself before hand though that I wouldn't stress myself out over breastfeeding and that if he didn't do it, formula was just fine. It wasn't the end of the world. But now that I have done it, it is really hard for me to give it up.

I know it will get easier with time, and that I can now be more flexible and won't have to work around the "nursing schedule" but I'm going to miss it. I pray my next child is an "easy breastfeeder" too because I really want to be able to experience it again. And hopefully, a big stressful event won't get in the way that time and I will be able to do it longer.

I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes..

3 months old!

Dear Kayden-
You have learned so much this past month! It has been so much fun to watch you grow and see what type of personality you have. You love your mommy and daddy very much. So much so that you hate to be away from them in your crib. You do well some nights, but most of the time you scream and mommy has to put you in the bed with them. I know that you will grow out of this and no longer will want mommy and daddy around so I try to enjoy it while I can.

You have also started laughing out loud alot! You laugh when daddy scares you and it is so cute. Daddy will surprise you and you just giggle! You have an adorable little laugh. But you don't like for mommy to videotape it. As soon as I pull out the recorder, you stop. One day I will catch you though :) You also LOVE laying on your changing table. We don't know what it is about it but you will become this really happy baby when we lay you on the changing table. Daddy jokes all the time that we should just let you sleep there so you won't scream :)

This month you started physical therapy because we found out you had a little problem with your neck called torticolous. You are doing great with your physical therapy though. The first appointment you were not too fond of Ms. Kelly poking and proding you but once she started letting you play with toys you warmed up to her. We have already noticed a lot of improvement with your neck and you are even starting to want to sit up on your own!

This month you also had your first overnight visit with Nana. While mommy didn't want you to leave, daddy told me that I really needed some sleep so we let nana watch you. I missed you very much but you had so much fun with Nana and Grampa. You played and laughed and talked to them. You even slept 7.5 hours for them! Audrey also ended up staying the night with you so I'm glad you did so well for them.

I know you are going to continue to learn and grow everyday and I can't wait to see what the next month has in store! You will also have your first Christmas which mommy is soooo excited about!

Love you baby boy!
Mommy :)

Separation Anxiety

(Yes Kayden turned 3 months old.... no this is not a blog post with pictures of his 3 month birthday or his 3 month letter... i will get to that later! :))

I'm not sure if a 3 month old can have separation anxiety. I have always heard that it starts around 6 months, maybe 4 or 5 months for the advanced child, but I feel 3 months is a little early. Especially since Kayden doesn't show signs of being "advanced" just "on target" (if any of that even makes sense!)

If it's not separation anxiety, it's the early stages of it. When we leave a room and he is left alone.. let the screaming begin. It takes him a little while to realize that we are gone, but once he does he lets out the most awful scream and cry. I've just started noticing it recently while I am getting ready or cleaning. If he can't see me, then we have a problem.

And I'm not really sure whether it's separation anxiety or just the fear of being alone as he doesn't scream when other people are holding him or if we leave him. It's just when he can't see anyone and is left alone. (such as in a crib.... see where i'm going with this...)

The first night we put Kayden in his crib to sleep at night he did GREAT! I laid him down after he ate, he stared at his mobile for a little bit, and put himself right to sleep. He woke up at 3 and 6 to eat and both times he went right back to sleep.... but it couldn't have been that easy could it!?

Then the rest of the nights (we've been doing this for a week now) we have laid him down and instantly when we leave the room he screams BLOODY MURDER. Not just an oh i'll cry myself and wimper until I fall asleep... it's an all out "YOU ARE STABBING ME WITH A KNIFE AND I AM GOING TO DIE" scream. Seriously, if someone was to walk into my house they would probably run into the nursery thinking he was dying. It's miserable. We have tried going back in every 5 minutes to calm him down, letting him cry it out (doesn't work well when he starts off in a full out scream though), even rocking... as soon as you put him down the scream starts.

We started noticing last night that whenever someone would go back in there he would calm down, but as soon as you left it was "the scream" again. I thought that he was just having a hard time putting himself to sleep at night, hence the rocking but no. He can easily put himself to sleep. As soon as I pick him up from the crib, his eyes get heavy and he goes to sleep. I can lay him next to me in the bed and he will fall right to sleep. No singing, no rocking, no touching. Just laying next to me and magically he is asleep. Seeing this, I thought I just wasn't giving him enough time in his crib to try and fall asleep on his own. Trust me, after trying for an hour to get him to fall asleep on his own, I gave up. It's isn't worth it.

Then, all of a sudden I realized that he also starts crying when I am getting ready and I move out of his range of vision while he is in his bouncy seat. It doesn't go instantly into "the scream" but a whimper starts and then if he doesn't see me for a little while longer then he starts screaming. I tested the theory out today. Nick was in the shower and I was getting ready in the bathroom. When I went to spray the hair spray I closed the door like I always do so that the hairspray doesn't get in Kayden's eyes (he sits in the bouncy seat by the bathroom door). Seriously, as soon as I closed the door, he started crying.

So, my child has a problem with being alone. I've looked up a bunch of different stuff online and I have read where separation anxiety could start this young and you usually see it at first when they are going to sleep. BINGO. I guess we are going to try some different things and see what we can do. I really want him to sleep in his crib, even if he does wake up in the middle of the night to eat still. I HATE having him in the bed with me because I am terrified that something is going to happen. Co-sleeping is not for us!

Someone suggested putting something in his crib that smelled like me and also try a recording of nick singing some worship music or lullabies. We are also going to try a method where we do our normal bedtime routine, put the baby down and position ourselves where we can easily pat his stomach/ sooth him, but NOT picking him up. Everyone says that the first couple nights of doing this are rough but that it will eventually work. If it doesn't, we are going to attempt "controlled crying" at 6 months. They don't suggest doing this before 6 months as the child doesn't understand what is going on but you do everything normally and then when the child starts crying in a manner where you know he won't go back to sleep you go in the room quietly say mommy and daddy love you but it is time to go to sleep, and walk back out. I just really hope something works because right now, Kayden and I are not getting the sleep that both of us need!

Physical Therapy

Well, we just got back from physical therapy! Kayden did good considering his appointment time was RIGHT at the same time he was supposed to eat. Luckily, the first visit the PT just went over some things to do at home with him and how to position him when he is doing his normal routine. So while she was going over all that we fed him. Then, she started doing things with him and he was NOT a fan. Unfortunately, he's just going to have to get over it. The PT was GREAT with him though so I wasn't as stressed and anxious as I thought I would be. And she looks a lot like me so I think that helped with him being comfortable with her.

She showed us some stretches to do at home with him and she did just a normal developmental assessment. He looks great considering his neck, which she even said that it's not as bad as "normal" torticolous patients. He apparently just leans his head to the side rather than leaning and dropping (or something like that... she started to confuse me when she was talking about this). She was impressed with how well he is already holding his head up and that he would turn his head to the opposite side of the torticolous and keep it there with some guidance. We told her some things we were already doing (thanks to a friend who is an occupational therapist) and said we were on the right track. We have already noticed improvement with just doing the things that our friend told us to do so now putting in the stretches should help even more.

We pretty much have to have him do tummy time any time he is awake for as long as he will tolerate it. We also have to prop his head up anytime he is sitting in his carseat, swing, bouncy seat, etc. Doing all of this will help him stretch the muscle that is affected and strengthens it. We will be going back weekly until she sees enough improvement to where he will just need some follow up appointments to make sure he is still on the right track.

One of my major concerns about having to take him to PT was the cost. With Nick working at Starbucks we weren't sure how well our insurance would be with covering something like physical therapy. Luckily, we got good news today though. This reminded me that GOD will ALWAYS provide. He knew that Kayden would need physical therapy, and while we would obviously find a way to pay for it no matter what, we found out that our insurance is GREAT (in the words of the PT). Apparently, most insurances cover 20 visits for physical therapy, 20 visits for speech therapy, and 20 visits for occupational therapy. However, our insurance covers unlimited visits until the age of 7. We have a $300 deductible which she said we would meet pretty quickly but she said since we have unlimited visits we won't have to worry about getting the most out of each visit, we can just take our time and go as many times as we would like and she doesn't have to feel rushed with trying to make sure he is "back to normal" within so many visits. I should have known God was in control of all this before Kayden was even born!

If you need any recommendations for physical or occupational therapy... I definitely recommend this place. It's just for pediatric patients, and the staff there is wonderful! Everyone was very nice and helpful and LOVED Kayden. Even the other children there were so sweet! This one little boy while we were in the waiting room kept coming up to Kayden and patting him on the stomach and kept giving a book to Kayden. He was such a sweet little boy and was so easy with him. While I was nervous about the germ aspect, I realized sometimes i'm just going to have to let go. I can't keep him in a bubble, and the mom later told us that her children love babies.. so I feel like we made this little boys day by letting him interact with Kayden. I'm looking forward to getting to know the staff and other patients better while they take care of our baby. On the Move pediatric therapy is where we are going.. and like I said they are great! I am so thankful that we finally know somewhat of the direction we are going and that we do not have to stress over the financial part. We can just focus on getting our baby boy to where he needs to be!

I'm looking forward to our next appointment next Thursday where she will do more stretches and exercises with him. Today was more of an evaluative appointment where she saw where he was so she could figure out what she needs to do next. Next appointment should be more of her doing different things with him to help stretch out his muscles. In the meantime, we will try out the stretches she gave us.

It's also amazing to see how God puts people in our lives (This is such a random blog post... but I just felt the need to add this). We have just recently been hanging out with a guy Nick knew from work and his wife who is an occupational therapist. She did an internship in a place where she only worked with infants which is how she knew about torticolous. She has graciously offered to come over to our house to do the stretches with Kayden if I have a hard time getting him to do them. She also gave us a lot of things to do before we went to physical therapy that has already helped. I just feel more comfortable knowing that if I don't think that I am doing something right or if I am having a hard time getting him to do the stretches that I have someone to call on to help me. I am so thankful for God's perfect timing, and his provisions!

Torticollis

**if you scroll through my pictures, you will notice that he is always leaning his head to the same side****

Ever since Kayden has been old enough to start holding his head up, we have noticed that he leans his head to one side. I thought that this was because he was only 2ish months old and that they just didn't have strong enough head muscles yet. However, as he got better at holding his head up I noticed he still did it. Many people commented on it but I still just thought it was because his muscles weren't strong enough yet. We were starting to notice though that the left side of his face was fuller than the right side, along with the neck muscles. It was obvious that his left neck muscles were much more fuller than the right. My mom was showing pictures of Kayden to her boss today though and her boss asked my mom if Kayden had torticollis. Her grandson had it and he would constantly lean his head to one direction. My mom called me and told me so I decided I should go ahead and call the pediatrician instead of waiting for his 4 month appointment to bring it up. The more I read about it, the more obvious it was to me that he had it. We took him to the pediatrician where she confirmed that he did in fact have torticollis. The receptionist has called the physical therapy place to see if they take our insurance but had to leave a message, but either way we will start physical therapy soon in hopes of correcting it.

Some information on torticollis:
What is torticollis?

Torticollis means "twisted neck," and if a child has this condition, her head will be tilted to one side while the chin is turned to the other side. It's also sometimes called wryneck. While it may look painful, it usually isn't.
When a baby is born with the condition, it's called congenital torticollis. (There's also a condition called acquired torticollis that can develop at a later time. In some cases of acquired torticollis, the chin may be turned to the same side as the head.)
About 1 in 250 infants are born with torticollis. (Ten to 20 percent of babies with torticollis also have hip dysplasia, in which the hip joint is malformed.)

What causes congenital torticollis?

Congenital torticollis is most often due to tightness in the muscle that connects the breastbone and the collarbone to the skull. (It's called the sternocleidomastoid muscle). This is called congenital muscular torticollis. This tightness might have developed because of the way your baby was positioned in the uterus (with the head tilted to one side) or because the muscles were damaged during delivery.

Why does this happen?
Usually it's how the baby might be positioned in the womb or through some kind of trauma during delivery. This trauma or injury causes a shortening or contracture of the sternocleidomastoid muscle. If you notice the baby's head tilting to one side and they have trouble tilting or turning to the other take them to the doctor right away. Torticollis is easily corrected when found early.

Is it serious? Find out fast
Much less commonly, congenital torticollis is caused by abnormalities in the bones of the neck (the cervical vertebrae). The bones may be abnormally formed, stuck together (fused), or a combination of both. This condition is known as Klippel-Feil syndrome.
It's important to know whether Klippel-Feil is what's causing a baby's neck problem because many babies with this syndrome have other problems, especially with hearing and the kidneys. Also, the stretching exercises recommended for muscular torticollis are not only ineffective but potentially dangerous for a child with Klippel-Feil syndrome.
In rare cases, congenital torticollis may be inherited. Or it may be the result of a more serious underlying condition, such as a brain or spinal cord tumor that damages the nervous system or muscles.

How will I know if my baby has torticollis?

You'll probably notice that your baby holds her head to one side and has limited neck movement. Another telltale sign is a small bump on the side of her neck.
Congenital muscular torticollis is usually diagnosed within the first two months of a baby's life. Even if parents don't spot it, a pediatrician will.
Babies with torticollis may also develop positional plagiocephaly (asymmetrical head shape) because they'll often sleep with their head turned to the side.
In addition to a physical exam, the doctor may need to order X-rays of the neck to determine which form of torticollis your child has. The doctor may also order other tests, such as an ultrasound of the hips or kidneys, depending on the type of torticollis.

How is it treated?

Your child's doctor may refer you to a physical therapist or an orthopedic surgeon (bone and joint doctor).
Congenital muscular torticollis is typically treated with stretching and positioning. You'll need to perform these exercises on your baby several times a day. The moves aren't complicated, but make sure you understand them and are comfortable doing them before you leave the doctor's or physical therapist's office.
If your baby has muscular torticollis, you'll want to provide as many opportunities as possible for her to turn her head to the side that she normally doesn't turn to. If she has trouble turning her head to the right, for example, you could lay her on the changing table so you're standing at her right side. And position her in the crib so she has to look to her right to see anyone approaching her.
It's also important to give your baby plenty of time on her tummy when she's awake, to help develop the muscles in her neck.

How long does it take to see results?

As long as your baby's muscular torticollis is discovered early enough – ideally by the age of 2 or 3 months – and you're following the prescribed stretching program, you'll probably see improvement within weeks. The condition should be fully corrected by age 1.
If, however, the muscles don't return to their normal length and your baby doesn't have a normal range of motion by the time she's 18 months old, your doctor may refer you to an orthopedic surgeon, who may recommend surgery to lengthen the muscles. Surgery is performed in about 15 percent of cases.
Information from http://www.babycenter.com/0_torticollis_10912.bc?page=2

It was hard to hear that my baby has something wrong with him, but I am thankful that it is not more serious. He is a happy baby so I am thankful that this does not affect his mood or disposition, and he isn't in pain. We just need to get it corrected so that he does not have problems in the future.

Kayden's First Thanksgiving!!

Kayden got to meet lots of people on his first thanksgiving! Nick had to work that morning so Kayden and I went to my grandmother's house in Irvine to spend some time with my mom's side of the family. He had not meet a lot of people on that side so it was fun to show him off to everyone! I was worried about the drive up there and back since it's about an hour and a half away but he slept both up there and back so it was really easy!

We then met Nick over at his parents house for thanksgiving over there. It was fun to just hang out with Avery and Kayden and just to enjoy family. I can't wait for Kayden to get a little bit older so that he can interact with Avery.

Friday night we spent time with my dad's side of the family. There Audrey and Kayden got to play together. Audrey is starting to take more interest in Kayden. When he was first born she really didn't pay much attention to him but now she wants to try and figure him out. They are going to have a blast together!

Luckily Thanksgiving isn't too stressful with schedules so I didn't feel like we were having to run all over the place and that we were going a million different directions..... Christmas though, will be another story!

Giving Thanks

*****Yes my child has some AWESOME dance moves... he gets that from me :) *****

This thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Over the past year I have added an adorable nephew, another sister-in-law, a beautiful niece, and MY SON. I am so thankful for all the blessings that God has given us this past year, but as thanksgiving came and went I realized that I don't thank God for the blessings that he has given me enough. I have realized that instead of giving thanks for these things, I ask him for more. More money, a new car, a job where I can make good money but still stay at home with my child, a new house.... the list could go on. Why am I not content with what I have. I am not entitled to these things and I have realized that over the past year I have felt like I am. I see other people getting these things and think why isn't God blessing us but is blessing those who don't even acknowledge the fact that HE exists.

And then last night, it finally hit me. I AM blessed. No amount of money could pay for the blessings that HE has given me.

You could try and pay me 1 million dollars and I still would not give my nephew to you.

You could try and pay me 1 million dollars and I still would not give you my niece.

And you could try and give me the whole world, all the things and money in it, and I WOULD NEVER EVER give you my son, my husband, my sweet little family.

God did not have to give me these things. He didn't have to give me my nephew, He didn't have to give me my niece (who is a miracle in herself after years of trying), He didn't have to give me the house we live in thanks to our church, He didn't have to give my husband a job that has allowed me to not work for a year in order to finish school and stay at home with my child for at least 4 months, He didn't have to give my husband a promotion at work, He didn't have to give us parents that help whenever we need it, He didn't have to give us 2 working (even if old) cars, and he didn't have to give me MY SON, a perfect pregnancy, labor, delivery, and a happy, healthy, growing, beautiful boy, the greatest blessing of them all.

I hope I can continue to go through life looking at the blessings that God has given me and thank him for them every day. I don't want to dwell on what I don't have, because I have everything that ever matters. Happiness, Love, Peace, and my family.

2 months old!

Dear Kayden-
Where is the time going! I can't believe you are now 2 months old! You have learned so much during this past month! You smile all the time now. Especially in the mornings. Your dad and I love when you first get up in the morning because you just smile and talk to us. You also have lots of conversations! You love talking to your dad and I, and even your animals on your play mat! You all have some great conversations and it's just funny to listen to!

You have also started staying awake more during the day which is so much fun! We play on your play mat, swing in your swing, have conversations while you are lounging in your boppy.... I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you, or if I had to go back to work! I can't believe everything I would be missing. You are just a joy in my life and I love playing with you everyday!

Just today you started sitting up in your bumbo and you look like such a big boy! It won't be long until you are sitting up all by yourself without any help! You are starting to roll too! You haven't completely rolled yet but when you get mad or excited you roll to the side. I just know one day soon I'm going to walk out of the kitchen and you are going to have rolled over all by yourself! I don't think you will like it much though because you hate being on your belly. We still have to do the majority of tummy time when you are laying on mommy or daddy's chest because of how much you hate being on your belly... but you are getting really good at holding your head up so we aren't too concerned :)

You have also started sleeping for long stretches at night which makes your mommy very happy! You will consistently go about 5 hours during the night, feed, and then sleep for another 4 hours! You are an amazing sleeper!!

We tried getting you to sleep in your crib for nap times but you did not like that at all! That's ok though, I'm sure you will get use to it eventually....and until then, you will just continue sleeping in your swing or when mommy holds you.. because I don't mind :)

On your 2 month birthday you got your first big set of shots! Mommy was so nervous for you but you were just a trooper! You screamed when they gave them to you but as soon as it was over you started smiling! Mommy cried, but you did so well!

You are such an amazing little boy. I am so thankful that God gave you to me and has blessed us with you. We couldn't have asked for a better baby!

We love you so much baby boy!
Love, your mommy!

2 month stats!

At Kayden's 2 month appointment (yes a week ago... i'm a little behind) he weighed 10 pounds 12 1/2 ounces and was 22.5 inches long. He's in the low percentile for weight (our pediatrician doesn't do percentiles but I found a percentile calculator online) but I kind of expected that, especially for his weight since he was only 6 pounds when he was born. He's just going to be tall and skinny.... but we already knew that would bet he case as he really didn't have much choice.

He also had to get his first round of shots. Poor thing! He screamed when they gave him the shots but he was fine and smiling once they were over... before Nick even picked him up. I couldn't handle watching so I sat in the chair away from the action and then went over there when they were finished. He took the shots like a champ... mommy on the other hand did have a tear or two roll down her face. I just couldn't handle hearing my baby cry like that in pain. I know it's for the best though!

The night of the shots however was a bear! The pediatrician told us not to give him tylenol unless he runs a fever or is extremely fussy as studies have shown tylenol to interfer with vaccinations. He slept for most of the time after his vaccinations, but when he woke up he screamed and screamed and screamed. There was nothing I could do to calm him down and he would barely eat. I decided to give him some tylenol as this qualified to me as extremely fussy. Less then 10 minutes later he was back to sleep peacefully. The next morning, he woke up his normal happy self! Thank goodness!

I'm already dreading the 4 month shots :(

Kayden's 2 month letter will be up shortly... it's in drafts right now as I'm not completely finished with it :)

45 minute intruder...

And if you have read the book Baby Wise... you know about the 45 minute intruder... and it's happened this past week (as it said it would between weeks 7 and 8) and it's frustrating...

it's been 45 minutes into his nap time and he's awake, not wanting to go back to sleep..

Baby Wise

*Sleeping peacefully in his crib.... for all of 5 seconds!*


Baby Wise was a book that I had started reading when I first found out I was pregnant. I had heard about it a couple years ago and that person just praised it! However, when I told some people that I was reading it when I first found out I was pregnant they had some pretty negative comments about it and acted like the book had some crazy ideas so I decided to stop reading it and just forget about it.

Well, the other day I was talking to a friend who has a little boy that is 3 weeks younger than Kayden and she said that her son slept 9 hours straight the other night and has been going at least 7 hours most nights. I was VERY jealous :) and asked her what she was doing and she said Baby Wise. I trusted this friend and knew she wasn't a nut job and wouldn't do some crazy stuff just to get her baby to sleep through the night so I decided to start reading it again. I really only read the parts about scheduling and sleeping, as I had already read the first couple of chapters and they really didn't appeal to me. However, I found the other chapters beneficial.

In doing all this, I had planned on trying to start to get Kayden to take naps in his crib. He still sleeps in our bedroom in his cradle and I wanted to start transitioning him into his own room. I thought it would be better to do naps, and because he is still eating every 4 -4.5 hours at night. We also got our video monitors in, but the speaker was broken so I didn't want to put him in there at night until we got the replacement ones in. However, the naps didn't work out. It took me 30 minutes to get him to actually fall asleep, and then he slept for maybe 10 minutes before waking up screaming. I would go calm him back down, and he went back to sleep for maybe 5 minutes and woke up again screaming. I was done with that nap time and decided I would try again with the next nap.... it was even worse. I continued to try the rest of that day but by the end of the day both of us were more exhausted and cranky. Kayden was overtired since he really hadn't slept all day, and I was frustrated from all the crying. So much so where I had to call Nick and tell him to come home from practice because I was at my breaking point.... which has not happened at all yet. Never the less to say, we were done with nap times in the cribs for a couple more weeks... he is sleeping peacefully in his swing as we speak.

In talking to yet another friend who did Baby Wise, she said that she started with bedtimes in the crib and then worked on nap times in the crib. She said that bedtimes in the crib were easier for her daughter for some reason, but she refused to sleep in the crib at nap times. She eventually got her in the crib for naps at 12 weeks, so I'm thinking we are going to go that route.

We just started Baby Wise on Monday and I'm starting to see a difference thank goodness! We start our day at 8 a.m. (or within 30 minutes of that time) and I make sure he eats every 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 hours and try to make sure he gets full feedings each time. I try to feed him closer to every 2 1/2 hours so that he gets a lot of feedings during the day. He "plays" for about 20 minutes after his feedings and then goes down for a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap and then we do the whole routine all over again. I try not to feed him earlier than every 2 1/2 hours so we can get on a schedule unless he is showing signs of being hungry before that. If he wakes up 20 minutes or so before a feeding I can usually hold him off with his pacifier or give him a change of scenery and he is fine. This is where I heard a lot of negative comments about Baby Wise. People said I'm going to feed my child when he is hungry, not make him wait... but Baby Wise clearly stated, if the baby is showing signs of hunger before his next feeding, then feed him. So maybe people just didn't read it correctly. I, too, feed my child when he shows signs of hunger, but I'm not just going to feed him every time he cries just to make him stop crying. Sometimes, babies just cry. And with breastfeeding, I am doing everything possible to keep him from "snacking" and so far, we have done good with him not snacking. Thank goodness!

With this schedule, he should be able to start going longer throughout the night. The book says that from 7-12 weeks they should start sleeping through the night, but we started late so I have a feeling it will be close to the 12. However the past couple nights he has gone one 5 1/2 hour stretch and another 4 1/2 hour stretch. He has always been good about going straight back to sleep after eating during the night so that's a blessing. You are supposed to give them a late night feeding around 10-11 p.m. and that's usually the first feeding to go as they get older, but he is sleeping so well after his 9-9:30 feeding that I don't wake him up and just wait until he wakes up around 1-2 to feed. I have a feeling he would sleep longer if I woke him up for his 11 p.m. feeding, but it scares me that he will be fussy and I'll have a hard time getting him back to sleep. Maybe we will try it tonight and see what happens!

Over all I'm pleased with the results and think that it's a great approach to getting a baby on a schedule. You wake him up at the same time every day so that he can start getting his "internal clock" figured out and realize ok this is when I'm awake and then they also realize night time. I failed today at waking him up at 8 (or within 30 minutes of it) though so I'm feeling a little guilty about that! I was just so tired and when my alarm went off at 8:30 (he ate at 6:30 and had a hard time going back to sleep after that feeding but eventually did... and so did i) I just turned the alarm off and went back to sleep until he woke back up at 9:30.

And of course, I would be the one to try and put this child on a schedule the week before "falling back". So i'm starting to think that maybe the fact that I let him go until 9:30 today is actually what i should be doing all week so that come sunday morning he doesn't wake up at 7:00-7:30 thinking that it's 8. This scheduling thing is a lot harder than I thought!

Happy Halloween!

For Kayden's first halloween he was a giraffe! If you have ever been to my house you know I am obsessed with giraffes, so since he obviously doesn't have any say on what he was going to be this year, I chose :)

We went to the Fall Festival that church was having with my mom and dad. Unfortunately Jeremy, Paige, and Audrey couldn't go because Audrey had the stomach virus all weekend :( But we went over later and got some pictures with her in her monkey costume.... as you can tell from the looks on their faces, they weren't really thrilled :)

Schedules

As I got closer to my due date, I started worrying about losing sleep once Kayden got here. If you know me, you know that I LOVE my sleep, I mean LOVE. Once Kayden was here I noticed that he LOVED his sleep too. Praise the good Lord!! He consistently sleeps at least 3 hours at night and he had not continuously cry or just want to be awake in the middle of the night. He feeds, and then is usually back to sleep within 20 minutes of feeding. We didn't really start a bedtime routine when we first brought him home because I had read that babies under 6 weeks can not comprehend a 24 hour period. For that reason, I decided to wait until he was 6 weeks to really start a routine, so we started a bedtime routine on Sunday night. We start off with a bath (which usually only lasts about 5 minutes because he's not a fan of the bath yet!) then we go back into his room and I put on his lavender lotion and put his pajamas on. I then rock him in the rocking chair while I feed him. When he is finished eating I read him a short little story out of a children's bible that a friend gave us and then I sing Jesus Loves Me (twice... why twice I don't know :) ). Then, since he still sleeps in our room, I put him in his cradle and turn on the sound machine to the heartbeat sound and give him his paci and his little bear blanket. We have been doing this for 3 nights and we only have to go back in the room a couple times to put his paci back in his mouth. Usually after the second or third time of putting his paci back in he falls to sleep. He seems to be really getting the hang of this routine thing and I am so happy!

I had noticed with my other experiences with children that those with a routine were much happier and were easier babies than those who do not have a routine so I wanted to try and make specific things geared toward night time, and just night time. That is why I have been so specific with the type of lotion we use at night time (we use the normal baby lotion in the morning and the lavender at night) and then I only sing Jesus Loves Me to him right now before he goes to sleep). I want him to really differentiate night and day so that he will realize that night time is when you sleep the longest.

Within the next couple weeks we are going to really start working on nap times. I want to start trying to have a pretty consistent nap time routine and start putting him in his crib to take naps. I don't want to have a strict schedule, but I just want to be consistent with him. In my education classes, consistency is always a big issue and we are taught how to keep our students on schedules and stay consistent with them. I know that if we have a consistent schedule for Kayden he will hopefully be a happy baby and will know what to expect. I know that the schedule will always be changing as he grows and develops so it will be a "flexible schedule".

Right now he seems to be on a 3.5-4.5 eating schedule at night and then during the day it's usually 2.5-3.5 hours. He usually stays awake for about 30-45 minutes after eating and then once he starts yawning or showing signs of being sleepy we put him in his swing or bouncy seat to take a nap.. which is usually around an hour to two hours. Right now we are having trouble with him being able to fall asleep on his own like he does at night. Usually during the day he fights going to sleep really bad and will scream for a while until he finally falls asleep. I am thinking that a lot of that might have to do with where he is sleeping and not really being on a consistent nap schedule so hopefully once we get our bedtime routine down really good we can start working on a nap time routine and he will not fight it as much.

During his wake time we try to do tummy time/ play mat time in the late morning and early evening. He does not like to be on his tummy very long at all so we try to do a lot of tummy time when he is laying on our chests too. He is really good at holding his head up so I'm not too concerned about him just doing it on the floor. He is much happier doing it on our chest so as long as we get a couple minutes of him doing it on the floor a day I'm happy. He is starting to really like his play mat though and will lay on his back and watch the toys. He swats at the toys also but I think a lot of that is just sporadic and not really him trying to actually grab at the toys.

So that's pretty much our day in a nut shell for right now :) He does seem to have a fussy time in the evenings but it doesn't last long. A lot of times I notice that he is fussy because I don't realize he is hungry since it will only be about an hour after he feeds but I eventually feed him and he eats his normal length of time so I guess his fussy time is really my fault... I just don't think that he would be hungry an hour after he had just eaten! But overall he is an easy baby and does like to sleep :) I know his nap times will become fewer and far between so I'm trying to enjoy his sleepiness for as long as it will last :) I just hope this means that he will be a good napper even as he gets older!

Happy Baby Boy!

Kayden has just recently started smiling when we would talk to him, and we could tell that it wasn't just gas but we were having a hard time getting a picture of it because he would smile quickly and then wouldn't do it again. This morning (at 6 a.m.) Nick was getting ready for work and I had just finished feeding Kayden. He was super smiley this morning and when I started wiping his mouth off with the burp cloth he started smiling really big! I kept doing it so that Nick could try to get a picture of it and then he started doing this little coo/ laugh thing. He kept doing it so Nick grabbed a video of it. I love watching this video and it puts a smile on my face everytime!

Clarification...

So after re-reading my post from last night I realized that I made it sound like Nick was wanting me to go back to work so that he could do band stuff. We are both not that naive to think that they will make it. They do have a lot of connections and a pretty large fan base, however the reason I am going back to work is so that he can ultimately finish his degree. He won't be going back in January as he has missed the enrollment period, which is where I am struggling. We are making it right now with me staying home and him working full time, but in January we will be losing at least $300 dollars a month from the north american mission board where Nick is doing an internship right now. You can only participate for like 7 semesters and he has used up all of his semesters... which is ultimately why I have to go back to work. I know we could figure it out.. but we also do not live in our own home and rent our home from the church. We would like to buy/build our own home one day which is yet another reason why I need to go back to work. I didn't want it to sound like Nick was making me go back to work because of the band... when in all reality it is really hard to make it as a musician. I need to go back to work, but I don't want to. That's pretty much how it is :)

Ironically- I received my official degree in the mail today.... I literally laughed out loud since I got it during the same time I have been struggling with all of this :)

We also have other options which I plan on posting about in the coming weeks. We just have to sit down and thoroughly discuss them in length which we have not done yet. Hopefully we will be able to work out something to where we are both happy :)

Staying at home vs. Working

This is a tough topic for me. I ALWAYS said I would be a stay at home when I had kids. I didn't want it any other way. I worked at a daycare for 2 days and after coming home crying both days because the daycare was so horrible I SWORE to my husband that my kids would never be put into a daycare. He agreed so I just thought that meant that we both agreed that when we had kids I would stay at home. Apparently, I was wrong.

I haven't worked since December 2009. I quit my job at a childrens consignment shop in order to student teach and finish getting my Bachelor's Degree. Well, as we all know I got pregnant in January of student teaching. For this reason, I decided not to get a job this coming August as a teacher. I didn't want to have to do the back and forth with being at school, maternity leave, and then all the holiday breaks...too stressful on myself and my students. So, we decided that I wouldn't get a job.

Now that we have Kayden, my husband has started talking about me getting a job and it makes me upset everytime we talk about it. I don't want to leave Kayden. I want to stay at home with him and not go back to work. I want to be his teacher. I don't want somebody else to be his teacher. I want to cherish these moments that I have with him before he goes to school and has someone else teaching him.

It makes sense for me to be the one to go back to work. I am the one with the degree. My husband postponed getting his degree and started working full time in December since I was student teaching and could not work. I understand that I am the one that can make more money since I have a degree.... but I wish I was the one without the degree. I feel like I am being punnished for having a degree. I don't want to teach... and teaching is a profession that you have to WANT to be there... and I DON'T want to be there... I WON'T ever want to be there. I will always want to be at home with my little boy.

A lot of the reason I am struggling with this is because I feel like Nick is being able to live his dream of being in a band and he talks about how if he didn't have to work so much he would be able to do more with the band and they could tour and all of this stuff... but I'm struggling. I want to have my dream too of being a stay at home mom. I know this is selfish... but i'm being transparent. He tells me that when the band makes it, I will be able to stay at home. But by then, I've missed most of Kayden's life. I want to be a stay at home mom to KAYDEN.... and my future kids. But I want to be a stay at home mom to Kayden... not just the future kids.

I guess this is what you call mommy guilt. I know we will be a lot better off if I go back to work... but I feel like i'll be missing out on my calling in life and my dream for my life, and that's to be a stay at home mom. Why didn't anyone tell me this would be so difficult?!

1 month old!

Dear Kayden-
I can't believe you are already one month old! I feel like it was just yesterday that your dad and I found out that we were pregnant and here you are! This past month has been the best month of my life. You have brought so much joy to your dad and I. I can't believe that just one little person can make us so happy. We have enjoyed getting to know you. Sometime I just sit and hold you and look at you. I can't get enough of you. Everyone says that if you hold a baby all the time that you will spoil them, but I know that there will come a time where you do not want me to hold you all the time so I do it. I enjoy just staring at you as you sleep, wondering what you are thinking and what you will be like when you get older.
This month you have been very busy! You have gone on several short trips with mommy, most of them being to your grandparents house but we have also just recently ventured out to church and to the store. On your 4 week birthday on Friday we went to the pumpkin patch! You slept through the whole thing though. You have also started holding your head up and staying awake more which I love. I love watching you just take in everything around you and try to figure things out. You will look at me and just stare for long periods of time and I will just stare right back at you. You are the best baby and I couldn't have asked for anything more. You have been such an easy baby. You eat well and LOVE to sleep... which makes your momma happy! Some of your favorite things are the bouncy seat, the boppy, watching your daddy play video games, your momma holding you, and Skye. Oh how Skye loves you too! You have been so good to let Skye lick you and it not bother you. Skye loves to give you kisses (even though mommy doesn't like it!) I can't wait for you to get older and play with him. He can't wait either. Mommy was very worried about how Skye would do with you because he is an attention hog but he has shared it well, and he is very protective of you. You two will be best buds!
We have prayed endlessly for you, and to now have you in our arms is more than I could have imagined. I thank God for every day that I get to spend with you and I can't wait to see what the other months have in store.
I love you so much baby boy!
Love, Your momma!

Play Date with Silas

Kayden had his first play date the other day! A friend that I grew up with had her little boy, Silas, a week after I had Kayden. It was nice to get together with someone who was going through the experience with me and watch our boys "play" together. Unfortunately, Kayden and I weren't able to stay long because we were getting ready to go to the pumpkin patch with the family, but we tried to get a couple of good pictures and plan on getting together again soon! The pictures however, are quite entertaining :)